When Christmas Doesn’t Feel Merry: What To Do When The Holidays Are Tough
For many people, the holiday season evokes images of laughter, festive meals, warm reunions and sparkling decorations. But for others, especially when family dynamics are complicated, Christmas, and holidays more broadly, can stir up anxiety, tension, old wounds, or unrealistic expectations. The pressure to “be happy,” “get along,” or “make it perfect” can clash with real emotions: grief, resentment, exhaustion, or social discomfort. The holidays come with pressure to see people, spend money on people, abandon usual routines and more, which can all culminate in a not so fun time (Better Health, 2025).
While some of us adore the festive season, we understand that the holidays don’t look the same for everyone. For kids, teens, or adults — neurodivergent or neurotypical — what feels like joy for some can feel overwhelming, draining or triggering for others. That’s why it’s so important to approach the season with kindness and grace, to yourself and others, and ensure you have realistic expectations and tools that help you stay grounded and emotionally safe.
What to Watch Out For (And Why Tensions Arise)
Unrealistic expectations. The “holiday magic” image (perfect family dinner, warm moments, no friction) can set people up for disappointment, especially if underlying family tensions exist. People who rarely get along during the year are unlikely to suddenly change just because it’s Christmas (Better Health, 2025).
Emotional triggers and old memories. Holidays often bring past experiences, such as grief from lost loved ones, unresolved family conflict, or previous disappointments. These can resurface strongly under the holiday pressure (Psychology Melbourne, 2016).
Overwhelm from social demands. With gatherings, gift-giving, family expectations and activity planning, it's easy to get drained, especially if you’re managing mental health issues, neurodivergence, or just aren’t comfortable in big social settings (Women’s Health & Wellbeing Services, 2021).
Forgetfulness around self-care. In the rush of holiday planning, self-care routines like sleep, downtime, or healthy habits often get sidelined, which can leave you more vulnerable to stress (SAMHSA, 2023).
3 Practical Therapist-Backed Tips to Navigate the Holidays with More Ease
1. Tune into your values, and set realistic expectations
Before the rush begins, ask yourself: Why am I participating in this family holiday? Is it out of obligation, guilt, tradition, or because I genuinely want connection (or rest)? (SELF, 2022).
If you go in with the mindset that “this might be messy, but I’m doing what feels manageable for me,” you free yourself from the pressure of perfection. That can make space for acceptance of others, and of the experience itself.
How to do this:
Take a few moments ahead of gatherings and reflect on what matters most to you this season. (Is it connection? Peace? Setting boundaries? Self-care?)
Decide what you will and won’t take on, and communicate it gently if needed.
Remind yourself that it’s okay if it isn’t a “perfect Christmas.”
2. Build a “Coping Toolbox”: planning ahead for difficult moments
Armed with a few simple, go-to strategies, you’ll be better equipped to navigate emotionally tricky situations when they arise. We as therapists often recommend having grounding or calming techniques ready in advance (Therapy Lady, 2025).
What to include:
A few grounding exercises (deep breathing, short walks, stepping outside for fresh air, mindfulness)
An “escape plan” if things get overwhelming: maybe a short break, a walk, or leaving early if needed
A plan for debriefing afterwards, such as journalling, calling a supportive friend, or reflecting on what was challenging and how you handled it
You can also make this physical, including fidgets, lavendar essential oil, headphones, etc if these seem relevant to you
This kind of preparation doesn’t mean you expect the worst; it just means you’re giving yourself tools so you stay resilient.
3. Prioritise self-care, connection & kindness (to yourself and others)
When you’re caught up in holiday to-do lists, family demands, and high expectations, it’s easy to forget your own needs. But self-care isn’t a luxury, it’s essential for emotional well-being, especially during high stress (SAMHSA, 2023).
Ways to practice self-care during the festive season:
Schedule downtime: even short windows (a quiet walk, a nap, reading, meditation) can help recharge you.
Maintain healthy habits: sleep, balanced meals, gentle exercise or stretching.
Stay connected: check in with friends or supportive people if family gatherings aren’t helpful or available.
Extend kindness outward: helping a neighbour, volunteering, or small acts of generosity can lift your mood and give the holiday meaning beyond expectation.
Do fun festive things: if you’re feeling up to it, embrace the season. Make festive treats, see lights, decorate; do whatever you want to do to associate joy with this time of year.
There’s no “one-size-fits-all” for the holidays. What works for one person may feel overwhelming to another. So whether you choose to attend every family event, carve out quiet time for yourself, or redefine what Christmas looks like for you. It’s okay. It’s valid.
Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is give yourself permission to feel what you feel.
If this time of year feels heavy, confusing, or emotionally exhausting, we believe your mind can be your sanctuary. You don’t have to “power through” alone. Together, we can work to:
unpack feelings of tension, grief, guilt or resentment
learn ways to communicate effectively (or set boundaries) with family
build coping skills and self-care habits that support your mental health — not just for the holidays, but long-term
And for students, the “Student Wellbeing Bundle” offers a low-cost, accessible chance to recharge and build resilience — especially useful during the hustle of holidays, study pressures and transitions.